Sunday, March 29, 2009

Indecisive? Perhaps. I call it "Fine-tuning my life"

I've spent the last 2 weeks since returning from KY obsessing over what I want to do. I came back resolute to put my shoulder to the proverbial wheel and get on with school, but I was stressed out about it. I had told myself that if I survived the week away from Sam, I could do the program. And physically, of course, I survived. But I didn't thrive. It was very difficult to be gone and I came home to both kids sick and Sam constipated from a day eating formula. And since then I haven't even had time to order my textbooks! Well, I could have in the last few days but I've been coming to the deciding point.

I realized I was doing school because I had planned to and was frustrated at my level of education, but not because I really wanted to be a NP in the US. I want to increase my skill/knowledge level for working overseas, but that's in our future, not present. And why should I put my family through that when I don't really want to use it? Especially when Sam's a baby, and Natty is essentially too.

I really appreciate the words of encouragment from friends and family. It was wonderful to have Lelia here to talk to when I got back. I know I could do the program. Sam would go into daycare part of the week, I would buckle down and focus and get it done - I'm not intimidated by the reading and writing required. But Sam is just 2 months old! And Natty is going to kindergarten this fall - I don't want to divide my focus like that. School will still be there when I come back to it. And there's other issues like friendships and exercise - I need both for my emotional well-being. But they would get squeezed out and that's not pretty on any level.

The 3 + years in Cordova I was frustrated that I couldn't go to school nor work in "my" field, so when we settled here, I leapt at the chance to go to school. Cool reflection isn't my forte -I'm more of an impulsive optimist. So I tried it, I learned what I needed to know to make my decision and I'm at peace with it.

Speaking of big decisions, we're interested in another crazy house! It never ends.....

1 comment:

  1. PS I think you guys have good taste in houses!